He Has Left Me Again
I will never understand why Tommy has walked out AGAIN!
He has left me again today…. I’m ok… kind of. He just told me he hasn’t been happy for ages. Little did I know… I thought things were fine. But same old story, so he’s gone to Waihi where he will stay with his family for a while until he gets his own place or whatever he’s going to do! While I’m expected to carry on like “normal” looking after kids, making lunches, doing homework, taking kids to school and kindy, entertaining, cuddling, bathing and putting to bed…. AND be Mummy and Daddy all in one to my babies. It is such a hard time – emotinally it’s a killer! I’m not sure how much of this I can take.
I spoke to his brother today and he seems to think Tommy is just not happy within himself. i.e. it’s not me making him unhappy or anything else… happiness comes from within (as I have mentioned before) and he needs to find it. I think I agree with that.
But you know what, I will be ok. I have my goals now. I got an email from my Recruiting Officer saying how good it was to see me and how impressed he was with me yesterday – so that has inspired me. I feel like I have my path all figured out. Maybe that is Tommy’s problem – that he doesn’t have HIS path all figured out. It’s like, all these years he has played in bands and done really well but he’s never reached that level of fame and all of a sudden he’s realising he may never reach that. Realising something like that has got to be heartbreaking! Here’s a little secret – I honestly thought, all these years, that he would actually ‘make it’. So I feel his pain – only I wish he would turn to me instead of away from me, because now I’m hurting too.
Well I won’t go on too much and I refuse to focus on the fact that he has left me again, instead I might chill and watch a movie before I TRY and get some sleep. Mind you, sleep is hard to come by these days with all this drama *sad face*.